How to Ask for a Letter of Recommendation

Asking for a letter of recommendation can feel awkward. You're asking someone you respect to take time out of their busy schedule to sing your praises. Whether it's a professor, a manager or a mentor, the request requires you to promote yourself to someone in a position of authority, which doesn't come naturally to most of us.

Here's the good news: requesting a letter of recommendation is a completely normal part of applying to graduate programs and many job opportunities. The people you're asking have likely written dozens of these letters before, and they understand how important they are to your future. With the right approach, you can make the process comfortable for both of you.

Why Letters of Recommendation Matter

Before diving into the "how," it's worth understanding the "why." Recommendation letters give admissions committees and hiring managers insight into aspects of your character that don't show up on a resume or transcript. They reveal your work habits, how you interact with colleagues and supervisors, your problem-solving abilities and your growth potential. In short, they bring your qualifications to life through someone else's observations and experiences with you.

Choosing the Right Person to Ask

The first step is identifying who should write your letter. The best letter writers are people who know you well and can speak personally about your abilities and character.

For graduate school applications, consider professors in your field of study, particularly those from recent courses where you demonstrated strong performance. For job applications, current or former managers and supervisors who can discuss your professional skills and work ethic are ideal choices. If you're applying to a master's program while working, a combination of academic and professional references often works well.

Start by creating a list of potential recommenders, then think carefully about who has the most relevant experience with you and can provide specific examples of your strengths. Check any requirements for your application to ensure you're asking the right types of people.

Making the Ask: Start with a Conversation

Here's where many people get stuck, but this is the most important step: ask in person whenever possible. If an in-person meeting isn't feasible, a phone call is the next best option. This first conversation shouldn't be formal or scripted. Explain what you're applying for, why their recommendation would be valuable to you and when you'll need the letter.

Timing matters. Ideally, you should ask six to eight weeks in advance of the deadline, although a minimum of two weeks is acceptable for urgent situations. Remember, you're asking for a favor, and giving someone adequate time shows respect for their schedule.

During this conversation, it's okay if the person seems hesitant. If someone says they don't know you well enough to write a strong letter, thank them for their honesty and ask someone else. A lukewarm recommendation helps no one.

Following Up with a Formal Written Request

Once someone agrees to write your letter, send a well-crafted email that includes all the details they'll need. This written follow-up serves as both a confirmation and a reference document they can return to while writing.

Your email should include:

• A thank you for agreeing to write the letter
• Specific information about what you're applying for
• The submission deadline and method
• Your current resume
• A "brag sheet" highlighting relevant accomplishments, projects or experiences they might reference
• Any particular qualifications or experiences you hope they'll emphasize
• Sample letters or guidelines if provided by the program or employer

This might feel like overkill, but providing thorough information actually makes the writer's job easier and typically results in a stronger, more detailed letter.

The Gentle Reminder and Final Thank You

As the deadline approaches, it's perfectly acceptable to send one polite reminder if you haven't received confirmation that the letter was submitted. Keep it brief and offer to provide any additional information that might be helpful. Then let it go. Excessive follow-ups create stress and won't improve the quality of the recommendation.

After the letter is submitted, always send a personal thank-you note. This is one of the most overlooked steps in the process, but it's crucial for maintaining professional relationships. Later, when you know the outcome of your application, reach out again to share the news. People who invest their time in supporting your goals genuinely want to know how things turned out.

Building Skills for the Future

Learning to ask for recommendations effectively is a skill that will serve you throughout your career. From college applications to scholarships, internships and job changes, you'll return to this process again and again. Each time it gets a little easier.

The key is remembering that while self-promotion feels uncomfortable, it's also necessary. The people in your professional and academic network want to see you succeed. When you ask for a letter of recommendation, you're not imposing; you're allowing them to contribute to your success. And that's something worth asking for.